Friday, February 27, 2009

I've been anti-penis lately

Can I get "Things you never want to hear from your waitress" for $2000 please, Alex? Or in Dan's case a night at The Guilty Skirt. There are rejections and then there are all-time rejections and this one definitely falls under the latter category. Now, I've been rejected a few times in my life but other than hearing "I'm all about the ladies" this might have been the harshest rejection I've heard in a while. On a positive note, despite having consumed my fair share of canadian waters, I was able to blurt out "Well then you shouldn't be afraid of Dan at all!" which brought the house down and even made the waitress smile, so yeah me!!

On to less frivolous activities. After another thrilling spring training game* we decided to tackle the trails at Thunderbird Park for our afternoon activity. For those of you keeping track at home (and I assume only 1 person really cares or will even get this joke) I sported a green t-shirt and rocked AC/DC's Thunderstruck to start the hike. The trail isn't as difficult as Squaw Peak but it's still a workout which is a pretty foreign concept to me though I claim to have been an athlete in a former life.

The reward for another hike completed was a trip to the aforementioned Guilty Skirt**. We enjoyed a fine Cougar victory, some stimulating conversation, and of course numerous beers (thus offsetting any positive results of the earlier hike). Apparently some team wearing purple and gold also won but most the bar*** was rooting for the Sun Devils.

If you are wondering why there haven't been any pictures in the last couple posts, it's because the official photographer of the blog, Chris Allard, and I are having trouble coming to terms over his contract. He thinks he should be getting paid for his pictures and I keep trying to convince him this a non-profit blog. Or, we're really lazy, I'll let you choose which story you like better.

*I swear they do happen (as a sidenote my boy Shelly went deep, best spring hitter in baseball!)

**It's normally here that I would tell a story about Vocht saying something wildly inappropriate to one of the waitresses, but I'm freezing him out of the blog.

***And of course by most the bar I mean me.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Am I right or am I wrong?

After 2 years working in close quarters with Curt I thought I had him somewhat figured out, but he always comes up with something new to surprise me. He's like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a Chipotle soft taco shell. Yesterday's lesson: "I work hard therefore I can eat when I'm hungry not just when there's free food". Making him basically the anti-Wong. So while the rest of us were happy to sample the free foods offered at the ballpark, Curt waited then made his way over to Chipotle in his effort to eat there every day of this trip.

After a grueling* day at the ballpark we made our way over to Squaw Peak for our initial ascent up the hill. I'm happy to report everyone made it to the top. Some found it easier than others, I was definitely in the latter category.

I blame most of it on Allard's insistence on singing Manilow on the trail, it's not easy to stay focused on climbing the rocks while being serenaded by "Mandy".

Having tired ourselves out by performing the most simple of physical activity we felt we should be rewarded by a trip to Peoria's newest sports bar The Guilty Skirt**. It's pretty nice with a bunch of big screens and decent sightlines***, we may find ourselves back there tonight for the WSU and UW games. While there we had our first Wong moment as Dan pulled out a bunch of cards that were handed out at the ballpark offering 1 cent beers. He then had the gall to complain later when the bill arrived. In his defense the beers were marked up 2000% to 20 cents on the bill after tax. But still how do you complain?

What's a night at a bar with Curt without a little gambling? I ended a couple dollars to the good (thanks to a red light in the intersection outside the bar) meaning Curt might have to settle for 2 tacos instead of his usual 3 at Chipotle.

That's all for now, back to the Spring Training grind!!

*The Exhibition game was brutal (though my boy Chris Shelton walked twice, sadly that was a highlight).

**Not the actual name. It's actually The Tilted Kilt for those of you interested in a franchise.

***Not a euphemism for checking out the servers.

Oh yeah, hope you are enjoying the snow it's a chilly 85 degrees and sunny here!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Prom Night

It's always tough leaving Seattle and its balmy 50 degree weather and showers for the mid 80's and clear skies offered by Phoenix and this time was no different.

After spending Monday packing (and deciding 3 am was a perfectly reasonable time to be doing my taxes) I met Curtis, Brad, and Little Kid Dan Kuehner at the airport Tuesday morning for our annual spring tradition. Surprisingly Curtis got through security with little to no hassle, despite my best attempts to get security to administer a full cavity search.

The flight down was pretty mundane. There were no screaming Mentinks* on the flight and I wasn't seated next to any dogs**.

It was after landing that things got interesting. After picking up our baggage*** we headed out to our awaiting limo which Curt had commandeered. Brad then exclaimed it was just like his prom night the only question was who he would make out with.

As you can see it was Curtis whom Brad chose to cozy up with in the back seat. Though there was a palpable tension as to what Paul would think if he were to see this behavior.

The rest of the night was a blur. Knowing that we were in for a long haul we decided to take it easy the first night, which of course meant hitting Fox and Hound for $2 Fat Tuesday drinks. Uh yeah, did I mention it's going to be a really long trip at this rate? What did I come down here for again? Oh, Baseball, perhaps we can fit that into our schedules in the near future.

*And I of course mean Angie, her kids are well behaved.

**Literally, not figuratively. Yes, I am going straight to hell!

***I don't mean to imply their significant others as they are all beautiful, smart women (much better than they deserve)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Back in Business

My Grandmother* once told me nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m., but since I don't believe in going to bed early let's see if I can prove her wrong.

With that: Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends (just takes 11 months off) I'm so glad you can attend, come inside, come inside.

As per usual this blog will have as little to do with Mariners baseball as possible. Sure the occasional slip up may occur but I'll try and keep it to a minimum. I'll really do what this blog does best, and that's make fun of me** and what I call my "life". The seasoned blog veterans will notice a new background and title, there is nothing to fear I just get bored (mind you I'm not motivated enough to make any major changes in life, just superficial ones such as these).

No, I haven't given up on my life long goal of talking to Shane Doan, I'm hoping that by dropping his name from the creepy previous title of this blog, he will lift the restraining order and I'll finally get a chance to meet him. Plus, I've previously declared the affection I hold toward Mr. Jovanovski***. Speaking of which, there is a chance we'll get to see the Sharks and Coyotes this year, I'm not sure my heart can handle it! For the other half of the title go talk to Matt Powell in cuts, I believe it was either that or being forever deemed the "Brian Johnson of FSN Cuts Editors" I'm not sure what that even means (go ask him, no really, he gets lonely back there in cuts) but I kinda like being the jerk!

So again welcome back to the returning readers and Hello to the newbies!! Feel free to peruse the archives and get caught up with the hilarity of our spring training experiences.

* May have been some random Blue Hair outside a Denny's.

** And of course by me I mean Dan!

*** It's really dorky to link to your own blog isn't it?

ps. With only a couple days of Brad and no Wonger this year I may really be hurting for story ideas, so feel free to throw any suggestions my way.