And with that statement Saturday went straight to hell. Now it was a fun intoxicating path but the destination is still the same. I won't lie it was a rough day.
If my mom thinks I have a problem based on my 3 appearances on FSN then it's a good thing we didn't have a camera on us last night because I'd be arguing you can't ground me, I need to update the blog!
Let's see if I can properly set the scene. The first beer was cracked at 2:15. Yep, that about does it.
By 3 we were in the bar ready for the Cougars game having a raging debate about whether our waitress had been "enhanced". Thankfully, for her and us, she left before anyone was drunk enough to summon the liquid courage to ask.
This is where things start becoming surreal. I swear the Cougs won by 20 and Robbie Cowgill looked liked a bona fide division 1 player. I know I had already had a bunch of beers but this can't be right, can it?!? Ok, just checked and sure enough it is all true.
Cougs were just the opening act as Little Kid Dan Kuehner pouted until we all agreed to stay and cheer Sparty on. Sparty didn't disappoint even if Goran Suton is just a poor man's Robbie Cowgill as one astute drunk pointed out on numerous occasions.
We stumbled across the street for victory beers at Fox and the hound. But first there was more Little Kid Dan Kuehner pouting. His favorite waitress had called in sick (I claim to avoid him but whatever) leaving Dan a little sad. In the meantime I made an ass of myself because I apparently can't tell all these blonde waitresses apart, good thing I barely remember the whole incident.
Having not had enough yet we hit another bar, but by then not only had the wall been hit it had kicked my ass! So back to the condo where I passed out at midnight, good times. I was quite proud of myself when I woke up this morning without a tribal arm band tattoo and checked my phone and saw I hadn't made a single inappropriate phone call or text. The fact I probably couldn't actually physically use my phone really helped.
Ok, so there are a few details I forgot to include from Thursday so let's revisit them. First after editing the show and before the game we went paintballing for a Cara pkg. The most important lesson learned is you don't want me on your side in a war, I'm awful. I couldn't even edit the package to make me look decent. Second, wear clothes you don't care about. This pair of jeans with a big green paint spot are awesome now!
On to the game. No, I didn't know Curtis put me on tv. Yes, the 10 simultaneous texts and calls should have given me a clue (who knew I had ten friends?!?). But 2 things weren't working in my favor: 1) I'm not very smart 2) Any smarts I do have had been offset by the 5 beers already consumed. This led to an awkward conversation when I called back a text with a number I didn't recognize. After a short conversation I had to ask "who is this?". The response, "it's Doug Herbison"!! Way to go genius that ought to really impress management.
With the Mariners in Tempe it's the perfect day for Devil Town by Bright Eyes to be the song of the day. Guess I should actually get some work done.
Oh, it's my goal to go the whole day without one alcoholic beverage, wish me luck!
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