Sorry Mom...

So, if you came here looking for Griffey updates you've come to the wrong blog. I don't know what kind of dog and pony show you think I'm running but just keep moving on nothing to see here. If you are interested that sort of thing I'm sure there are a billion other places to go that might even have fancy features such as "quotes" and pictures. Pffft, you shouldn't come here for that, you better know that by now.

Drunk dialing Herbison was pretty embarrassing last season, but it doesn't come close to what happened last night. Since Dan and I had nothing to do during or after the game last night we decided to relax. After watching the first couple innings from the stadium we headed to an undisclosed location* to watch the rest of the game and our show. A few beers in it was showtime. My ears perked up as I heard the opening chords of "Thunderstruck" and I reached for my phone. Fully expecting it to be Curtis saying he's headed right over to meet us, imagine my surprise as I was flipping open my phone and saw it wasn't Curtis Wilson calling rather "Mom's Cell"! Uh oh! Now a lot of scenarios ran through my head in that split second, but none could prepare me for what came next. "Was that you I just saw in the Tilted Kilt story?". "Uh, no" I responded sarcastically. "Wait, what's all that commotion in the background? Are you there right now?" Mom was clearly on to my lies, the jig was up. "I don't know what you are talking about?" I tried to feign innocence. "What kind of son did I raise?" Mom was not happy, and if we've ever learned anything it is this: if mama's not happy, ain't no one happy. Needless to say my face was as red as the shirt I was wearing, so I had that going for me. So from the bottom of my heart I want to apologize to my Mom, honestly you raised me well, I blame Paul's influence!

The rest of the day wasn't nearly as interesting. Allard is still bitching about his finger and has even taken it to a new lower level. This man clearly has no shame.


If he spent half as much time working as he did trying to avoid work he could easily be the FSN employee of the quarter.

Honestly I don't remember a whole lot from the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure it went well as I don't remember any huge gaffs on my part**.

So once again I just want to reiterate the big message today, sorry Mom.

BLOG UPDATE: With Allard back and busting his tail getting pictures for the blog I've gone back and added pictures and occasional words to prior posts this spring, so take a look at them so that he doesn't cry that no one appreciates his art.


* If you can't guess by now I don't know what to tell you.

** Those were saved for later that night, Love you Mom.

Trailer Trash Tuesday

As you might have read yesterday, after a contract negotiation as long and ridiculous as Manny signing with the Dodgers, Allard is back on as the official photographer of the blog. Needless to say he was quite happy that the whole ordeal was over, it had taken a toll on both of us.


However, after 1 day of work (quality shots at that) he is complaining of a sore trigger finger and has started asking about medical benefits and workman's comp for his injuries.


I swear he is the biggest diva in the group (but I still love him).

2 shows in and I'm pretty sure the show is the greatest thing ever edited in the history of the world. No, I don't have a super inflated ego or anything, why do you ask? Maybe the greatest addition to the John Jacobson Memorial Edit Suite is my new button to get rid of all of Curt and Dan's bad ideas.


It might be the most used button on the machine. I'm pretty sure it will have to be replaced within a week as it gets alot of work.

After banging out the show we attacked Squaw Peak again and I returned to my last place ways. It just kicks my ass everytime!


Yes, that's Chris with Jen close behind and Curt just over the dude's left shoulder. Nowhere to be seen, me and Dan.

Now this is a Motley Crue!!!

Quite the view coming down. I might have then hit a new low of dorkdom as I watched part of the Spokane Chiefs/Seattle Thunderbirds on my laptop. I've got issues!

Then of course the fun started. We felt like we were cheating on the Guilty Skirt by going to eat at the restaurant next door who's mascot is an owl and has the motto "Delightfully Tacky, Yet Unrefined". Yeah, I know we are really high class! I felt pretty guilty* all night. Once we'd drowned our guilt in hot wings we moved the party to our favorite white trashiest** bar down the road for our first visit of the season. There was no disappointment at Tailgaters as the mullets were flowing, the Crue was rockin', and it felt like you were always the verge of a brawl. Did I mention we are high class people? My liver sends its regards...


* and by guilty I mean ashamed.

**I can't truely describe how awesome this place is, so I'm just going to make up new words.

Best in Show

In our haste to rush out to the Guilty Skirt (really, where else do you think we were going?) and watch the show, I forgot to mention the biggest news of the day. Curt has learned how to operate inews! Well, not really, just enough to be able to cause trouble. So if you get any chopper top lines in the near future you'll know who is behind them.

The second most significant news is that the John Jacobson (old school) Memorial Edit Suite blew a tire, meaning it had to be drug out to the van (then shot!!*). Oh and for once being the smart guy, I left with Allard (jerk) and Jen to feed the show back leaving the rotting carcass for the others to drag away. It now has 4 working wheels, but we'll see how long those last.


I have little faith but maybe it's just me hoping that it will roll itself away never to be heard from again.

As I mentioned last night we (or at least I) saw the show for the first time ever (only 3 seasons in, better late than never!). The Guilty Skirt was happy to turn us on** especially since they were prominently featured*** but we had no sound. No problem for me as having edited most the show I could provide a running closed captioning service for anyone paying attention. They were quite appreciative of the attention (yeah, not that hard to believe). If you watched closely I even made an appearance in the show, bet you can't guess which story I was in!

The evening was great and a good time was had by all. It's always the leaving that is the hardest part, for some more than others. In this case it was really tough for Curt.


As you can see Curt hasn't quite got a handle on driving the Suburban yet. Lucky for us Vocht didn't slide that far down the embankment!****

This photo was actually taken by yours truly. There is news on the official photographer of this blog, but some other jerk is extremely lazy and I can't get him to do anything. Threatening to harm his work camera has no effect as he says that just gives him the right to do even less. It's a no win (or picture) situation.

UPDATE!!!***** After hours and hours of intense negotiations.


We have finally agreed to terms and Allard is back on board as the official blog photographer!!!


For those concerned that is actually a red shirt I am wearing not a sunburn. My actual skin tone turned out be a slightly lighter shade of red. Yes, I'm a genius!


*Just kidding! I love you engineers.

**Yes, that was a euphemism.

***Also a euphemism.

****Not really, do you think we'd actually allow him to watch the show with us? I didn't think so.

*****Allard literally walked in 2 minutes after the original posting with his camera. I'm as surprised as anyone, though not by the fact he was 1 hour late to work.

Back in Jail

Curtis considers every day walking into the TV Booth is equivalent to walking into a jail cell.


Hard to believe when you get to watch baseball for a living but when it's 95 degrees and the sun is shining right into the booth it isn't the most comfortable.
Got through our first show Monday and surprisingly there were no technical issues*.

Of course now I've just jinxed it so I'm sure we'll have a major meltdown within a week. We did get to see the new monstrosity that the Dodgers and White Sox call home out in Glendale. It's freaking huge which meant there were 10,000 empty seats for the game. Good times.

Sunday was spent in Peoria even though the Mariners were on the road in Surprise. I was actually disheartened to miss the game as I have a mancrush on Josh Hamilton and my boy Chris Shelton hit his 2nd homer of the spring (that guy can rake!). Dan and I stayed behind in Peoria where he got to see his Cubs look awful and lose to the Padres, the freaking PADRES!! Oh and I had to actually work, so that sucked.

There is something I should mention about our hikes. Someone (not Me, Curtis, Brad, Jen, or Chris) went and got themselves in shape in the last 11 months and has actually been beating me on the hikes.

I'd had enough of that tomfoolery so Sunday I put a stop to it and killed Thunderbird beating everyone (Dan and Curtis) by a couple minutes. Now I feel much better about myself.

To the person concerned with whether or not I saw the ASU/WSU game Saturday the answer is yes, Taylor Rochestie gave us all a heart attack and then much laughter.

Well, off to watch the show for the first time in 3 years. Guess where I'm going??**


*We did have a mic problem Sunday but no such problems Monday.

**The asterisks got out of control last post so I'm trying to cut back.

Burn Baby Burn

Man these 85 degree spring training days are really getting old. No, now that I think about it, not really. Saturday brought some actual work and meant I spent some time in the sun, weird. I was also reminded my skin only has two colors, white and red*. Also, almost took one for the team during the Jarrod Washburn interview as a foul ball from batting practice whizzed right past us. In my defense the alcohol really slows the reactions and you can't really see the ball until it's about 6 feet away coming over the bullpen fence. There was also a brush with greatness as Chris Shelton walked past me, I believe there was even a slight shove to move me out of the way. Of course, I couldn't say anything I'm a dork like that.

After another loop around Thunderbird (where I somehow acquired a huge bruise on my right foot) we found ourselves back at the Guilty Skirt**. Yes, that makes it 3 times in 4 nights***. I know, a little creepy. But on the other hand it's only 1 month out of 12 in the year, so that really makes it sound better, at least that's what I keep telling myself! Our waitress really got a kick out of my red look, I'm not sure that's a good thing. As we got drunk watching the Coyotes game I drove everyone to drink more by sharing stories about just about every member of the Blues, I really am a big dork. I was the only one paying more attention to the game than the atmosphere. A text to tv's Brad Adam was in order though as they played most of Appetite for Destruction, nothing like a little Axl to drink to.

For those of you concerned that there was no post yesterday, don't worry nothing major happened. More specifically nothing happened. After hitting it hard all week we spent Friday night at Abeulo's enjoying a nice meal and a relaxed evening then just came back and went to bed fairly early****.

Oh and there will be some big news***** soon so keep checking back for updates.


*Yeah, might want to use sunscreen moron!

**Though I'm still freezing him out, Vocht did pick up most the tab so he should at least get a mention down here in the asterisks. Thanks Kevin.

***Technically it's 4 days in a row but Friday was a "legitimate"****** work visit.

****We really are big dorks like that and didn't go out on a Friday.

*****Of course I no longer do news, I'm all about entertainment and I'm not even sure how well I do that!

******And by legitimate I mean an excuse to put them on camera and get cheap alcohol.

I've been anti-penis lately

Can I get "Things you never want to hear from your waitress" for $2000 please, Alex? Or in Dan's case a night at The Guilty Skirt. There are rejections and then there are all-time rejections and this one definitely falls under the latter category. Now, I've been rejected a few times in my life but other than hearing "I'm all about the ladies" this might have been the harshest rejection I've heard in a while. On a positive note, despite having consumed my fair share of canadian waters, I was able to blurt out "Well then you shouldn't be afraid of Dan at all!" which brought the house down and even made the waitress smile, so yeah me!!

On to less frivolous activities. After another thrilling spring training game* we decided to tackle the trails at Thunderbird Park for our afternoon activity. For those of you keeping track at home (and I assume only 1 person really cares or will even get this joke) I sported a green t-shirt and rocked AC/DC's Thunderstruck to start the hike. The trail isn't as difficult as Squaw Peak but it's still a workout which is a pretty foreign concept to me though I claim to have been an athlete in a former life.

The reward for another hike completed was a trip to the aforementioned Guilty Skirt**. We enjoyed a fine Cougar victory, some stimulating conversation, and of course numerous beers (thus offsetting any positive results of the earlier hike). Apparently some team wearing purple and gold also won but most the bar*** was rooting for the Sun Devils.

If you are wondering why there haven't been any pictures in the last couple posts, it's because the official photographer of the blog, Chris Allard, and I are having trouble coming to terms over his contract. He thinks he should be getting paid for his pictures and I keep trying to convince him this a non-profit blog. Or, we're really lazy, I'll let you choose which story you like better.

*I swear they do happen (as a sidenote my boy Shelly went deep, best spring hitter in baseball!)

**It's normally here that I would tell a story about Vocht saying something wildly inappropriate to one of the waitresses, but I'm freezing him out of the blog.

***And of course by most the bar I mean me.

Am I right or am I wrong?

After 2 years working in close quarters with Curt I thought I had him somewhat figured out, but he always comes up with something new to surprise me. He's like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a Chipotle soft taco shell. Yesterday's lesson: "I work hard therefore I can eat when I'm hungry not just when there's free food". Making him basically the anti-Wong. So while the rest of us were happy to sample the free foods offered at the ballpark, Curt waited then made his way over to Chipotle in his effort to eat there every day of this trip.

After a grueling* day at the ballpark we made our way over to Squaw Peak for our initial ascent up the hill. I'm happy to report everyone made it to the top. Some found it easier than others, I was definitely in the latter category.


I blame most of it on Allard's insistence on singing Manilow on the trail, it's not easy to stay focused on climbing the rocks while being serenaded by "Mandy".


Having tired ourselves out by performing the most simple of physical activity we felt we should be rewarded by a trip to Peoria's newest sports bar The Guilty Skirt**. It's pretty nice with a bunch of big screens and decent sightlines***, we may find ourselves back there tonight for the WSU and UW games. While there we had our first Wong moment as Dan pulled out a bunch of cards that were handed out at the ballpark offering 1 cent beers. He then had the gall to complain later when the bill arrived. In his defense the beers were marked up 2000% to 20 cents on the bill after tax. But still how do you complain?

What's a night at a bar with Curt without a little gambling? I ended a couple dollars to the good (thanks to a red light in the intersection outside the bar) meaning Curt might have to settle for 2 tacos instead of his usual 3 at Chipotle.

That's all for now, back to the Spring Training grind!!

*The Exhibition game was brutal (though my boy Chris Shelton walked twice, sadly that was a highlight).

**Not the actual name. It's actually The Tilted Kilt for those of you interested in a franchise.

***Not a euphemism for checking out the servers.

Oh yeah, hope you are enjoying the snow it's a chilly 85 degrees and sunny here!!